Stillness in Motion

 Hello all,

Millions of people in the United States find themselves caring for aging parents or partners.  They’re often the last to ask for help, but when caring for another, they are themselves among the neediest.  I know of one case that illustrates this common situation so clearly.  An 80 year old woman I’ll call Ruth, living with dementia and other health conditions, was a hospice patient being cared for by her daughter, “Helen”  in her daughter’s home. Helen is a very attentive caregiver in her family.  In addition to her ailing mother, she also took care of her grandbaby during the day.  I received a referral from hospice to see Ruth for massage.  Ruth was consistently content, happy and obviously her needs were being met.  The home was a constant whirlwind of activity– grandchildren in and out,  phone ringing, hospice caregivers coming and going, etc.  On about my third visit, there appeared another woman who was about Ruth’s age– she was Helen’s mother-in-law and she was also going to be staying in the home! Well, if Helen wasn’t overwhelmed by all the activity, I sure was!  Helen seemed at first to take it all in stride, responding to everyone’s needs with a smile and a patience that I admired.  But I began to notice little clues that it was taking a toll– fewer smiles, taking the opportunity for a couple minutes of rest when I was attending to Ruth.  One day, I offered Helen a ten-minute massage.  When I asked her if she would like to receive a massage, her eyes teared-up and her lips trembled.  She seemed so profoundly grateful that someone acknowledged her weariness.  In those first 10 minutes, she talked about how exhausted she was becoming and about her fears of not being able to do it all for much longer. That was 8 months ago– she is still there caring for all those people!  She has continued to receive massage regularly and she reports that it has helped her deal with the stress and feel cared for. 

Massage is a powerful way of caring for the caregiver and I think we should at least invite the caregiver to consider massage to help cope with a difficult situation.  It can make such a difference and uplift the lives of all involved– our own included!

Until next time, enjoy the beauty of Spring!
Ann