Mar 06 2012
More On the Grieving Process
March 6, 2012
The blog post from yesterday generated a lot of feedback from all of you. It seems that many people are dealing with grief at all levels these days. And, I appreciate those of you who knew my brother and sent thoughts and well wishes.
As the years pass and I am able to walk with other people in their grieving process, I have learned about compassion. Many, many gifts have emerged from the grieving process – my own, and facilitating that of others. Grief, when experienced in the present moment, can hold a quality of cleaning out a clogged system. Usually clogged with ancient, unexpressed stuffed emotions!
I had a student some time ago who called me after her father died. She had been in my workshops for a number of years and worked tirelessly on letting go of her anger, disappointment and sense of abandonment from her Dad. I mean she worked hard. When she called she just wanted me to know that she was finally done with that old father stuff because when he died her grief was clean, present moment grief. No old, crusty, painful stuff – just the in-the-moment-here-and-now grief of losing a parent.
“Suzanne, what a different sensation it is! I am grieving and there is a natural flow to it. The waves come up and then they leave. After all those years of hammering away on all that painful stuff, I got my pay off. It has been so worth it – thank you!”
A true story, shared in appreciation for your insights on grief–
—John Gray
Dissolving the Unresolved
April had been a guest at the spa several times before, and this time she was up for something new. Intrigued by the description of the aquatic bodywork experience called Watsu, she made an appointment for a summer afternoon session.
“Each Watsu session is not only a massage, but a profound experience that promotes healing ‘shifts’ on the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels,” states the spa’s “Specialty Massage Experiences” brochure. “Floating horizontally, supported by the therapist’s arms and the soft water, the spine is freed from its gravitational prison, allowing deeply healing energy movement that can lead to release of long-held physical and emotional tensions.”
The time for April’s Watsu experience neared, and Jan, a master practitioner, introduced her to what was to come, speaking more to her body than her mind. “Melt. Surrender as if dissolving in the water, and just move with me in a ‘seaweed dance.’ You are safe and supported.” A little stiff in the beginning, as water massage first-timers often are, April heeded Jan’s invitation to give herself into the flow. The session progressed timelessly through motion and stillness, and at the end, on her own, April let tears flow freely. “I’m not upset. These are tears of joy,” she told Jan. Then she told the story.
Beginning in her early adult years, April’s sister made a series of poor choices in her life which contributed to decades of estranged family relationships. When her sister died suddenly about two years before, nothing from the whole painful period had been reconciled. April felt left with aching grief and unresolved issues.
Dolphin-like movements in the Watsu pool with Jan unearthed April’s happy childhood memory of playing with her sister, frolicking on each other’s backs in a pool, laughing, sisterly love flowing. It was a time of freedom and joy, long before the later events which seemed to angrily block all that out. On that warm, sunny afternoon, a lot about those hard years seemed to dissolve in the water, exposing happiness and gratitude for the deeper relationship April had once known with her sister. Although her family member was gone in person, she was restored to light inside April, “re-membered” as she was before the dark days. “The issue’s in the tissues,” my teacher used to say. Gratitude lifts things out, however, and life heals.