Jul 24 2009
Are You Rushing Through Life?
I was driving the other day on a two-lane road that widened to include a passing lane for a brief period. I found myself automatically speeding up to pass the person in front of me.
They were not driving particularly slowly. I just unconsciously kicked into gear to pass them. As I did, it struck me that I have been doing that all my life. Raised with a brother only 15 months younger, and a sister several years behind him, I had spent my life pushing myself to stay at the head of the pack.
The rivalry between my brother and me was particularly fierce. When he died in 1996, I grieved deeply, and in that process, got to ask myself who would I have been without my brother? It was a mind-boggling concept to wrap around at the time. Now, 13 years later, I can answer it a little bit better.
So, this was not the first time I had realized that this default stance, or autopilot programming, was running behind the screen of my conscious awareness. Yet, I am still surprised each time I discover it (which I do periodically). Then I take the necessary steps to turn off the autopilot, once I realize it is “driving the bus” of my existence.
When I first discovered it years ago, I thought of it as a positive trait. I was somehow proud of it.
Then I came to realize how it kept me out in the future all the time. So I set out to let it go. That is easier said than done! But now, years later, I actually have skills that help me drop back and enjoy each moment more fully and easily.
In that moment, driving down the highway I just chuckled, “There I go again!” And then I slowed down and let my car drop back behind the other car. I took a few deep slow breaths and let myself relax. There truly was in no hurry. Just my autopilot gone temporarily amuck.
This experience reminded that I needed some attention spent in this area. Last fall, after spending over a year in high gear to get my book completed and published, this autopilot program was clearly running. I was stunned to realize that I was having a hard time slowing down. My family could have told you that easily, but I was oblivious. What was the next task? Put me on it, and watch me run!
So this year has been about reclaiming my ability to slow down and enjoy life. It has been extremely busy, but each time I catch myself speeding up unnecessarily, I laugh and let go.
How do I do this? First, I don’t judge myself. I take a deep breath… I take another deep breath. I feel my feet on the ground. I take an honest inventory of whether or not I really need to go faster. Then I act on that assessment.
I was rushing, packing it all in. However, since I recognized the autopilot pattern, I have been systematically letting it all go. I take a nap. I take a walk. (Note: not a run, a walk.) Maybe get a massage. Or a long catch up session with a friend on the phone. A long soak in a hot bath. Snuggle with my sweetie, my kids or my cats on the couch.
Life is too sweet to rush through. It took me a lot of years to realize this.
This was helpful to me. I really need to slow down and relax–especially at work. Thank you!