Hi Suzanne,
Your blog brought some thoughts about how years ago a person could walk into a room and I could tell you pretty much what they were feeling. I could read the vibrations that they were emitting. I couldn’t tell you exactly what they were feeling, but at times I could see things that related to them. Then a very close friend told me that I should get some help because I was being “codependent”. I agree that at that time I didn’t know what I felt because I put my mind and sensing into what others felt. Not necessarily taking on their stuff, but I spent hours with friends helping them with their stuff, when I wanted someone to help me with mine and see my needs like I saw theirs.
After therapy and dealing with “codependency” I have found that I have shut off a lot of my sensors, even after making a safe healing place and being grounded and secure in my grounding. Even with doing all that you and other classes have taught me and knowing what I was capable of, I really have to make a major effort to feel and see what my client is feeling and aware of their needs during their session.
I have to say that this situation has been becoming more clear in the past few months and then your blog helped me put it a little bit more clear. I have always felt that in Cranio and SER I really knew what was needed and going on, but now I look back and question myself. I really haven’t told anyone this because this reality is unnerving to me. I know that I haven’t faked all of the intuitions, because I know in doing LomiLomi, I have to use intuition, but people have so many of the same problems that it isn’t hard to fake it. (Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. Being an instructor of LomiLomi, I’m suppose to not fake things, right?)
In answer to your questions, I don’t have to check in with myself because I keep closed and only extend when I feel prompted to. I wish I could say that about doing my client sessions.
I’m excited about your book. You have been working so hard on it. I can’t wait to order one.
Take Care,
Catch ya in the continuum,
Marilyn

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This has been a very interesting string of events. While searching for something else, I stumbled upon this article. We are provided with what we need when we need it, however, this should have come to me many many years ago. My own Dr. commented that when I pick up on someone else’s pain and make it my own, that it’s pretty stupid. I assure you, I don’t WANT to carry anyone else’s pain as I have far too much of my own, yet it happens day in and day out. I have been doing massage for 37 years and never learned these techniques that others talk about; grounding and centering. We never knew of such things back then. When I feel that I AM grounded and centered it makes no difference, I still pick up others pain and trauma. I never really considered all of this a boundary issue, it was just what happens. I will certainly look into the books recommended and also the class posted. Perhaps someday I will practice from a place of health and not feel as though I have to carry the weight of the world. Thank you for this wonderful article and the responses to it, but also for the sensitivity in knowing what the issue was. At first, I thought this article was being written about me!

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I read two great books about boundaries by an author named Anne Katherine. The first was called Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. The second was called Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day. I attended the Muscular Therapy Institute (founded by Ben Benjamin, columnist, Ben’s Corner) and the core of the curriculum was ethics. Every Saturday for three hours for two years straight, we attended a class called Skills and Dynamics of Therapeutic Relationships. One of the most important texts assigned was a book by Robert Bolton called People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts. As key as that text was, in terms of boundary issues, specifically, I learned a ton from the Anne Katherine books, and I found them at a new age bookstore, of all places. Just wanted to share that with you.

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Suzanne, I have just found your blog site, and am thrilled to re-connect. Over the past 6 months, I have gravitated back toward the bodywork/energy work field after 6 years away. Your April blog rings true to me in many ways. I have years of skill and practice in centering, grounding, and consciously deciding how much resource I have to give. Even with all of this “knowledge”, I had a melt down last week because I had over-extended myself for the sake of 4 distinct volunteer activities. I had forgotten my skills, and I was left feeling depleted, in pain, and over-emotional. Thank you for the reminder queries, which will help me re-calibrate again.
On another note, I have been included in a very exciting venture called “The Women’s Sojourn”. The workshops are facilitated by Nancy Reller and Meredith Hunter, and might be a complement to the work you are doing in the Washington D.C. area. Please check out the website and blog site if you are interested in referring. http://www.thewomenssojourn.com, and http://www.thewomenssojourn.com/blog. Have a great day. Thank you again for all you do.

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This IS a worthy subject, I agree. So many people in ‘helping’ careers do not know how to shield themselves when a client or patient breaks down. I think it’s an important borders skill, important enough to teach in massage school.

I learned many years ago to psychologically “detach”, to take a mental step back and not get involved in someone else’s emotional pain. I also shield myself with white light before EVERY client and that helps me too.

We need to ‘be there’ for those people. We can’t help at all if we’re struggling with their pain in our bodies. That helps no one.

I think it’s an important enough skill to say that you’ll never be an effective healer if you don’t master it.

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This is a very worthy topic for body workers, probably for
anyone, because our energy is effected dramatically by our
response to other’s pain. I have chosen to cross-train in the
mental therapy field, specifically Psychomotor work, developed by Georgia Rigg. It is a beautiful blend of talking, role playing and body/energy work aimed at healing the traumas of past experiences. I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with one’s own or other’s spoken or unspoken trauma. While my clients may come in for treatment of a particular area of the body, often they quickly reveal a traumatic cause for their pain. While I can treat their physical symptoms I find it very helpful to use what I’ve learned from Psychomotor workshops to protect myself from falling into the abyss of their feelings.

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