Presence Matters

My 18-year-old daughter and I are standing in a customs line in Heathrow International Airport that’s got to be a quarter-mile long. It’s not moving. It’s 10 pm and we’ve just gotten off a 7-hour flight. We’re all tired.

In front of us is a woman who’s rubbing her neck and looking like she’s in pain. My daughter gives me a sidelong glance that says, “Aren’t you going to offer to help this poor woman?” I check in with myself. I feel tired, stiff and drained from virtually not moving for the last 8 hours.

Then I let my awareness expand to include the woman. She is in great pain. I take a minute to see what kind of energy refilling I can do on the spot. It goes well, but I know I need to watch how I extend myself.

Gently, I lean forward and ask her how she’s doing. She looks at me, grateful that someone has noticed. “As I was exiting the plane someone was taking their bag out of the overhead. It slipped and clobbered me right here in the back of my neck really hard.”

I ask internally whether this is something I should offer to help with hands-on, or whether it’s better aided with sympathy and kind words. I’m so tired I can’t hear a clear answer, so I continue to commiserate with her about neck pain and whiplash. As she explains how she’s feeling, I get a clearer sense of exactly where the pain is. I also realize that I can be of help.

“May I touch your neck? I’m a CranioSacral therapist and I may be able to help a little with the pain until you can see someone medically.” Her nod and look of gratitude say it all.

I gently put my hands on either side of her neck to assess the inflammation level. It’s hot. I take another moment to ground and fill, and assess how I can best serve her in these circumstances.

She immediately relaxes under my hands. My calm presence is having an effect before I can even do anything therapeutically. I murmur an affirmation that I can feel what’s happening in her system. Another look of gratitude.

At this point my daughter turns around and blurts out, “Mom, did you ask her if you could touch her?” The woman laughs and tells her I did. It’s wonderful having children. One minute they’re expecting you to do something and the next minute they’re chastising you for doing it!

I begin to do some simple Direction of Energy across the area of her neck pain. Heat starts releasing through my back hand. We’re inching forward in the customs line and my daughter dutifully picks up our carry-on luggage so I can keep my hands on her.

It’s several minutes before the woman registers that the pain is lessening. Thank goodness this line is so slow! I continue to gently direct energy to her as her system releases the inflammation. I can feel the movement of her cervical spine righting itself as I stand there holding her neck and simply giving it what I can. I’m starting to feel energized by the flow passing through me to her.

About 5 minutes later I can feel her neck signaling that it’s done for now. I gently let go and ask her to notice how it feels inside. She tells me it feels much better, but still hurts – maybe a 60% reduction in pain. I tell her how to find someone in her destination city who can continue with her. She’s amazed at what we’ve accomplished together in under 10 minutes.

As we part she’s smiling and my daughter is chuckling. I feel more energized as we step up, passports ready, to greet the British Customs officer.

Life brings us all kinds of opportunities to help out. Some are meant to be acted on, others to be passed by. Do you know how to differentiate when the moment comes? This is an important skill in our business.

I could easily have let that opportunity go by. I could have offered sympathy and advice on how to get help without touching her.

What we know how to do is out of the ordinary, and most people are delighted to experience it. Certainly it’s not appropriate in every circumstance. If I’d been ill or really exhausted, I would have let the moment pass by. If I couldn’t have summoned enough energy, I would have just talked to her. Not as effective, but helpful nonetheless.

Your presence and skill level is key here. Do you know how to assess yourself accurately in a situation like this? Do you act on your assessments? Ponder these questions as you travel through life with your own opportunities to help.

It’s cold and rainy outside and I am nestled on the couch with my cat, Gracie, in front of a good fire. The rest of my family has gone out to the movies. I am recovering from a 24-hour bug that has left me with little energy for anything but fighting pathogens. So I have surrendered. I am letting myself rest, and doze on and off, until my energy returns.

Healing is such an interesting process. For one thing, when I am feverish, I can feel parts of my body I am rarely aware of otherwise. Granted, the reason I can feel them is because they are aching. But still I find it fascinating, as long as it doesn’t last too long!

And, I love a good fire. I got this from my mother. She regularly enjoys a fire in the evenings when it is cold outside. A toasty fire takes the right ingredients - seasoned wood, a nice draft, effective fire starters. Then, once all the right ingredients are together and ignited, it takes tending.

I have been tending this fire all evening. I haven’t messed with it too much. But I also haven’t let it go out prematurely. There’s a fine balance to be kept here. Right now it is a beautiful and mature fire with a bed of rich glowing coals. The logs are about half gone. The room feels cozy from the ambience of the fire. I’m mesmerized and relaxed.

You can’t rush a good fire like this one. You have to let it run it’s course, feeding it as it needs more fuel, pushing it around when it needs space, and blowing on the coals when it needs more draft.

The healing process is much the same way, yet we often forget that. Instead we try to continue working. We ignore the illness or take something to suppress the symptoms so we don’t have to slow down. But this always feels quite counter-productive to me. When I do this, I take longer to heal. My energy level takes longer to return to normal. And I tend to get sick more often if I don’t fully recover.

Across the years I’ve listened to my body and learned what ingredients create the most effective healing for me. When I start to feel sick, I seek them out. Sometimes it is just rest and quiet. Sometimes it’s Chinese medicine, homeopathy or bodywork. Sometimes it is western allopathic medicine. (Nothing like a good antibiotic when I am in the middle of teaching a class and a bladder infection hits.)

So, what do I need for this bug? Well, my acupuncturist husband has been periodically feeding me Chinese herbs to assist my body’s ability to fight whatever bug got into my digestive system. I drink lots of water to stay hydrated. My son puts healing energy into my system by giving me a neck and should massage. I sleep.

And I watch the fire. Stirring it when it needs it and letting it do what it does best – crackle away in an orange glow of warmth and woodsy aroma. And I let my body do what it does best – recover when I give it the right ingredients, tend it with care and let the healing process run its natural course.

Do you know what ingredients help you heal best? Do you give them to yourself and surrender to the healing process? What healthy resources do you turn to? I’d love to hear from you.