Presence Matters

January 2, 2012

Several friends sent me this video this week. I found it very powerful and I thought you all might as well. Here is the link. Enjoy!

February 1, 2012

When I get stuck on an issue and cannot seem to resolve a given problem, I have learned to step back and look again at the questions or assumptions I am operating from in that moment. Often the answer to a problem eludes me because I am not asking the correct question(s).

Years ago when we were remodeling our home, I asked a good friend for his opinion about a given contractor. My friend told me he was great to work with and that he was like having a Buddha in the house running the project. That sounded great to me – doesn’t it sound great to you? And off we went, having a wonderful time with him running the entire project. He indeed was even tempered and calm, and a wonderful man. He also had never handled a project that size and the over runs were massive – really huge. I was waking up at night with anxiety trying figure out how we were going to pay for it all. We were hemorrhaging money. I finally had to step in, stop payment on some things and finish it up the best way we could. It was not pretty.

In looking back I had to ask myself,  how did we get there? By not asking the right questions. Years later I was talking to the friend who had originally recommended the contractor. When I asked the right questions he readily admitted that the contractor had trouble with the financial end of his projects and that he had run over on their project as well. I was stunned. “Why,” I asked him, “didn’t you tell me that?” “You didn’t ask me about that part. I told you he was a great guy to work with day to day – which he was. Far better than any contractor we had ever dealt with before. I thought that was what you wanted to know.”

The issue of knowing what questions to ask in any given situation continues to fascinate me.

When I am in session, dialoguing with someone’s body about a problem they are having, it never fails to amaze me how the body can and will heal, if asked the right questions in an open-ended, respectful way. It’s all in the questions and the neutral, caring delivery.

One of the gifts that Dr. John Upledger gave me (and all of us) years ago was a deep appreciation for the healing capacity of the human system. And, watching him dialogue with the inner wisdom of the person on his treatment table taught me so much about questions. Such as, which question would open this person’s system to healing and which questions would shut the whole process down? I marveled at his technical understanding of anatomy and physiology which enabled him to ask the most intricate questions when someone’s system had gone awry.

In all things questions are important. I have become a life-long student of questioning  - continuing to ask them until I get to the bottom of something, and not making assumptions about what someone means by a word or a phrase. In conversation I will often ask for clarification so that I am not getting stuck in an assumption (theirs or mine!) It yields some wonderful benefits at times. I am able to help others uncover and debunk their unconscious assumptions, if they are not true. I am able to free up my own thinking as I continue to go down through the layers of what I am assuming.

So my question is, what assumptions are you operating from that need a new question asked, so that you can think outside the box and perhaps move beyond your current limitations?

January 31, 2012

There is a certain feeling of freedom in being able to forgive someone for something that I have been holding against them for years. I used to think that forgiveness was only for the other person’s benefit. I did not get that it all had to do with me. I can still get caught in the illusion when I am in the heat of an argument and need to be right. However, any time I think about it long enough – and feel how it affects my own system – I can sense the way holding a grudge causes me to be off center energetically. It’s as though I am leaning into or against the person I cannot forgive, which means they have the power to pull me even further off my center by any movement they make.

For instance, when I was young my father was not very emotionally available. I desperately wanted him to love me, but I could not feel it. Across the years I felt abandoned and then angry, and constantly working harder to have his approval and love.  I thought there was something wrong with me that he did not love me.

As an adult, my first inner healing work was around my relationship with him. It involved learning to acknowledge and feel my inner pain. Then learning that I was worthy of love, even if he could not give it to me. When I was finally able to realize how I had been misperceiving him, it enabled me to forgive him for “withholding his love from me.” I was able to see him clearly for the wounded child that he had inside, and meet him in a more realistic way. I was able to accept him, just as he was. What a relief and sense of freedom that gave me. It also released him as well.

In the last decade of his life he did some deep inner healing that had previously eluded him. It freed up his heart and allowed it to come out of hiding and shine. Because I had forgiven him, and could see him more clearly, I was able to actually witness the healing as it occurred and feel his heart opening. Wow. It was an amazing experience.

Forgiveness and freedom to be who you are…at first glance they don’t seem to go together, but in fact that are inextricably connected. Where are you holding grudges in your own life? Are you ready to feel a sense of freedom? Can you let go and forgive?

Sunset Over Reston Parkway

January 30, 2012

5:30 pm – I am driving in rush hour traffic across Reston – intent upon getting my son to work in time – and we round a curve on Sunrise Valley Drive to see this sunset.  Both of us were riveted by Mother Nature’s effortless show of beauty (and that is hard to do with a teenage boy!) As we drove he kept watching the sky and I kept peeking whenever I could while driving safely.

I dropped him off at work and got ready to pull back into the bumper to bumper traffic feeding into Reston Parkway. Something inside of me said, “Pull over here and witness this. You have the time. Everything else will wait.” So I did. Pulled over into a parking lot and caught this exquisite sunset. And, I thought you all might enjoy it, too, albeit after the fact.

Enjoy!

January 28, 2012

One of my favorite columnists, Carolyn Hax, takes on a familiar topic – boundaries, emotional boundaries to be exact – in her column today (click on her name above to get to the column) and I thought you all would enjoy her take on it. I whole heartedly agree with what she has to say. Her closing remarks use entirely new words with much the same meaning as my definition of a healthy boundary in Full Body Presence.

“Since the advice (earlier in her column) is essentially to beware when the source of your quality of life or happiness lives outside your body, I don’t think it’s limited to romantic relationships. You can apply it to friends, siblings, parents, prized possessions, pets, jobs, a geographic area, anything. Honor the moment by accepting that it can end at any time.” (Italics are mine.)

Her advice actually relates closely to my recent blog post Leaning Outward or Leaning Inward, in which I was asking the question about one’s habitual stance in life, energetically. Is it one of “leaning outward” into your world and depending on all those around you for your happiness, etc. or do you know how to “lean inward” and stand within the boundaries of your own skin happily? Do you know how to fill up the container of your being right out to your skin? Do you know how to calm your own nervous system when you feel anxious or jittery? Do you know how to sit with uncomfortable emotions without imploding or exploding?  Do you know how to create happiness within yourself – to receive from the world around you what nurtures you most?  These are just a few of the important questions we all need to be asking of ourselves in order to gauge how healthy our emotional life actually is…and Carolyn has added another whole dimension to it in her column today that clarifies a normally difficult concept quite well. Thank you ,Carolyn.

And, enjoy!

January 27, 2012

I found a wonderful TED.com talk today done by Robert Gupta on music and it’s capacity to heal. Take a listen for yourselves.  http://www.ted.com/talks/robert_gupta.html - and, enjoy!

January 26, 2012

As I travel through this busy life
Days full of play and work responsibilities
Moments filled with joy, pain or both

My mind sometimes thinks it is boss,
Until my heart emerges,
Surges into my awareness

Filling up and spilling over with love
Being touched by someone or something I see.

Sometimes reminding me of an unmet  need,
It becomes an ache in my chest,
In the face of what has been forgotten,
Until that moment when the dull pain emerges.

Speaking to me,
Whispering softly in my ear,”I love you”
Sometimes shouting, “Listen!”

And I do my best to listen,
Honestly, I do,
Although not always as closely as it would like.

Yet, it always returns another day to sing to me:
“Listen, listen, listen to my heart’s song…
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you
Listen, listen, listen to my heart’s song.”

January 25, 2012

A client came in today with an interesting issue. It became apparent as we worked together and she listened to her inner wisdom, that she had spent most of her life leaning outward, and into those she cared for – meaning she did not have a strong sense of who she was, at a soul level, inside herself. All her life she had been praised for taking care of others, knowing what they needed, and caring about what others thought of her, above what she thought about herself. So as they shifted, were angry, needy, sad or happy – she shifted with them. She had recently found herself feeling blown around and blown out, depleted by other people’s opinions and decisions. She realized she did not know how to lean inward, into herself, to regenerate and renew her strength.

We worked with the Full Body Presence process until she began to have a sensation in her own gut that felt like hers. Then she began to feel more in her heart. Next she began to feel her feet and legs. It was an exciting progression through the hour. When we finished she was feeling a sense of wholeness she had never experienced before. It was wonderful.

In the aftermath it occurred to me that her dilemma is not unique. Many people are taught to pay no attention to their own insides, their own knowing. They are usually taught early, how to lean outward, noticing how to fill the needs of those around themselves in order to please or in order to stay safe. Whatever the reason, it is not beneficial to anyone to not know how to balance inward and outward; being able to lean in when that is appropriate, and knowing how to lean out and connect to others when that is most appropriate.

Think about it for a moment, which do you feel more comfortable with? There is a price to pay for each imbalance – what is yours?

January 24, 2012

I have spent this month dreaming and carefully planning how to share more of the message of Full Body Presence in 2012. As we slowly put it all into a newsletter for all of you (coming out next week), I am feeling more and more excited by what we are offering – so I have to share a bit of it with you tonight.

The new weekend workshop Skills to Energize Your Life for the general public that was created and presented for the first time last year (to rave reviews) is being offered in six new cities this year and that is just in the first half of the year! We have one coming up here in Reston Feb. 4th & 5th that will be co-taught by myself and Angela Stevens. Click on the link for more info -we would love to see you there!

Our four day workshop Full Body Presence: Grounding and Healthy Boundaries is continuing to be offered in new places – but the most exciting part of that is how these valuable skills are being taken into the leadership coaching world, into university settings and other educational systems all over the country. Check out our website for more information on all of this.

The other exciting thing is that the powerful workshop I facilitate for women every year at Esalen is expanding to a 7 day program this summer. It promises to be a rich, valuable, healing gathering for all involved. Take a look at that link for more information on our website. Registration should be available for that one next week.

And in the fall Emilie Conrad and I will be leading a fabulous in depth workshop in Continuum movement, breath and sound combined with my expertise in CranioSacral therapy, and how that synthesis builds resilience and health – Waves Of Consciousness II: Presence and Touch – Creating Resilience – exciting!

I am looking forward to all of these and lots more, too much to mention here – I hope to see or hear from all of you at some point if one of our workshops calls you. 2012 is a year primed for healing and change in a positive direction. Come join us and be a part of that change and growth!

January 23, 2012

I am always riding the continuum between working hard to put forth my best effort in any given endeavor (knowing that it is not perfect, but it is perfectly good enough) and letting go and trusting that Spirit will support me and bring me what I need.  I know both of these ends of the continuum hold true  for things large and small. When I do my best it puts a message out to the Universe that I am engaged and ready, and when I let go and relax it allows me to receive the joy that is here for me moment to moment.

Slowly, I have learned to trust the ebbs and flows of my energy to help me fulfill my responsibilities and create what I came here to do. It can be a little nerve wracking at times to the part of me that wants to have everything done early and neatly packaged. Yet, it all works somehow.

I have had to make friends with my inner driver that says,”Work hard, keep your nose to the grindstone and it will all work out – but above all else, work hard!” I love what I do, so this is not hard, but it can be intense at times. Thank you to Lynn and Christy who keep picking up the pieces and completing what I start!

And yet, I am continually shown how Spirit brings me what I need no matter what my work efforts are in any given moment or day! I have been walking and praying and asking Spirit for guidance a lot these days. Lots of decisions large and small are on my plate. I was knee deep in lists and projects today, computer open, on the phone with my virtual staff when I glanced out the sunroom window. There, in a tree less than 50 feet away, was a magnificent bald eagle, sitting calmly and surveying the lake – from my backyard. I almost dropped the phone. It was awe inspiring. Everything stopped for me. All the projects were forgotten for the moment in the presence of this huge, beautiful, winged one. The eagles always show up when I need some inspiration to move beyond where I currently am.

Thank you Spirit, for the message from the eagle which is to relax and look at the bigger picture of my life. Do not be afraid to step into my bigness and above all else, do not drown in the details. Trust that there is a larger plan and that if I let go of the death grip of control that my inner driver seems to require, it always works out. Not always in the way I imagined, but it always works for my highest good.