My post a few weeks ago on the $100,000 massage business seemed to create quite a stir. The idea that a massage therapist can make that much money seems too good to be true for most. Many come to massage careers saying it isn’t about the money or that they just want to help.  Underneath the idea of wanting to help is usually another side of our profession that is not really talked about. The deeper reasons underneath wanting to help (which is also usually sacrificing our needs to make money) are usually what lead to giving too much and eventually burn out.  Since massage therapy is considered to be one of the many helping professions we have a lot to learn about our needs to help others.
I was first exposed to this idea early in massage school in 1987 when reading a book called “How Can I Help” by Ram Dass. I actually didn’t think much of it at the time and didn’t think that it really applied to me at the time. In the book he says:
The more you see yourself as a “helper”, the more need for people to play the passive “helped”. You’re buying into, even juicing up, precisely what people who are suffering from want to be rid of: limitation, dependency, helplessness, separateness. And that is happening largely as a result of self-image.
Often what is happening when we feel a compulsive need to help is that we have to get rid of someone else’s pain because it is hurting us too much. Out of helping usually comes feelings of power, respect and a certain knowing that we did all that we could for someone to try to take away their pain.
While helping can truly come from compassion, it is often confusing. When we help it makes us feel like we are important and are appreciated.  Being able to tell the difference will mean the difference between your success or having to change careers because of being burned out.
Fast forward 15 year of working as a massage therapist and feeling burned out myself, I read this series of articles by Jack Blackburn called “Caretaking vs Caregiving” and it all came together:
” When we caretake, we assume responsibility for our clients’ healing.
When we caregive, we support clients in assuming responsibility for their own healing.”
Caretaking comes in many shapes and forms. It can be seen when you charge less than you need to make or don’t have any cancellation policies (or enforce them).  It can be seen when you give advice instead of just listening.  Caretaking has it’s roots in early childhood and usually in the way you learned how to attach (or not attach) to your caregivers. When your early needs for attention, appreciation and love are not met, many people give up their needs in order to get that attention. It continues on into adulthood and shows up in relationship, money and career issues and somehow seems to really show up in helping professions.  Setting your needs aside for others benefits while it may seem viruous and noble, usually is not really helping anyone.
I actually used to be one of those people who didn’t want much and didn’t charge much for my services. I didn’t want to do any marketing or sales because I was shy and hated promoting myself. I lived a simple life (and still do) but making money became as important as helping since I couldn’t help people when I was feeling burned out or didn’t have enough to take care of my needs. The more I learned about caretaking and ‘noble poverty’ ( the idea that having money is somehow wrong), the more I could see how I created my underearning to support my lack of self confidence. The thing with underearning, noble poverty and caretaking is that they are really unconscious patterns and you don’t really see them until you are forced into looking at them. Some people may never get to looking at them and that is OK too.
My basic message today is that caretaking is a big part of our profession. As you become more aware of how caretaking influences your clients lives and your life, you can begin to make different choices that support caregiving (healing).  You can live simply but you don’t have to live in poverty and wonder if you are going to get by. You don’t have to make $100,000 a year but you can make what you need to make to pay the bills, live debt free, take nice vacations each year and save for retirement.  The process of unraveling caretaking from caregiving will be a contining challenge.  It shows up in how you care for yourself financially – Do you raise your rates each year? Do you have a cancellation policy and enforce it? Do you give away your time to clients by doing longer sessions or excessive volunteering? (What other profession gives away their time for free?)   It shows up when you are challenged by becoming friends with clients, by undercharging, by not doing the things you need to do to promote your business. It shows up when you take low paying jobs thinking that is all that there is.
This is really a very short post about a very broad and intensive topic.  I would recommend that you begin reading about this in some of my favorite books and free online articles I have posted on my website.
Noble Poverty - Mikelann Valterra’s Website
Jack Blackburn’s articles “Caretaking vs Caregiving”
In the Service of Life – Rachel Remen. This is one of my favorite articles that also started my interest in this topic.
The thing is that once you get started in exploring these issues with either a regular therapist or in the process of supervision you will most likely see your massage business grow. The steps in building a business gets easier as you clear up some of the unconscious programming and beliefs about money and success. So you can make $100,000 or more even if you want. Making that much money isn’t a crime. The more you make, the more you can actually help by doing things like setting up non-profit groups that offer free and low cost massage.
