Feb 04 2010
Where Does Confidence Come From?
I recently spoke to a massage therapist who came to me for a coaching session. It became very evident as we spoke that she lacked confidence. This seems to be a common theme among therapists looking to grow their practices. I asked her what would make her more confident. She responded that having more training and more certifications would make her more confident. I told her that I have a coaching colleague who holds 6 degrees, and still lacks confidence, and this person is in her 60s.
When we think that our lack of confidence can be cured by more training, or anything else outside of ourselves, we are not on the right track. One can have hundreds of hours of continuing education, and still not be confident. In fact, thinking that it is a lack of training is putting one into the realm of dangerous thinking. Why dangerous? Because it is saying that growth is how we overcome lack. As long as the focus is on lack, there will always be lack. How much training is enough to overcome feelings of inadequacy?
What really is going on here is that inner voice that says, “I’m got good enough”. I call this voice the gremlin. We all have it, and to each of us, the message is that we are inadequate because of some intrinsic lack.
Training and experience will give you more proficiency. but they won’t instill confidence. Confidence is a function of our beliefs. We have to believe that we are good enough, smart enough, capable enough. When we believe that we are worth $80 a massage, we are then worth $80 a massage. If we ask for our fee like we’re asking permission to charge for what we do, this lack of confidence will cripple our practice.
Imagine two therapists. One is not very good, but is very confident; the other has phenomenal hands and a brilliant intuitive touch, but lacks confidence. If a prospective client has to decide between the two of them based on only a conversation, who is going to get the appointment? This is why confidence is essential–it is a critical factor that determines your future success.
If you lack confidence, it is important to learn what is blocking you. You have some limiting beliefs. “I lack training” is a limiting belief. “I’ll never be good at marketing” is a limiting belief. Neither of these are true unless you believe them to be true. Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or think you cannot, in either case you are correct”.
Where does confidence come from? Within. It is a choice. It is a belief. What will it take for you to believe in yourself?
’til next time,
Woody
