Everything Education

Before writing this I spent a lot of time thinking about some of the issues that many people raise in the educational institutions that I consult for (www.schenkmanconsulting.com)  in their evaluations either as an employee, faculty member or a student. When it came down to it, it seemed like most of the problems stemmed from poor communication, on all levels. That is not surprising and of course the buck stops at management when looking at it from a consulting perspective. However, when I thought about it on a more fundamental level, and from my experience as a stress management consultant for many years, I knew it was mostly a “human being” problem related to perception and stress. So I thought I would try to express some of my thinking and knowledge regarding the importance of communication in educational institutions (and of course in day-to-day life) and see what some of you have to say or add to this conversation.

Communication is so important and yet is so easily and so often taken for granted and in the process we miss a very important and subtle truth about ourselves. And that is if we look inside and examine how we experience the moment-to-moment events of our lives, it becomes clear that what we often label as stress (our jobs, problems with children, divorce, vacations, traffic, etc.) is not really stress. Rather, these are the catalysts which ignite the “stress response.” What we experience as stress is a function of our learned perception of events, the way we see things, and not the events themselves. The stress or “fight or flight” response is an instinctive and automatic self-protective response pattern in our bodies which precipitates more than 1300 known physiological changes as a way of protecting us from physical danger, much more useful in the days when humans had to hunt for their food! However today, our perceptions become the basis of how we see and interpret our moment-to-moment experiences resulting in the manner in which we respond to or interact and communicate with others.  

As these perceptions activate the physiological changes in our bodies, they can stimulate negative or positive emotional states depending upon what they are. It is the negative emotional states that we generally experience as stress and what we refer to when we use the term. I say generally because just as easily, the joy of getting married can as well be a stress catalyzing event depending on how it is being perceived and consequently, dealt with.  

After all it is the quality and depth of communication we experience in our day-to-day existence that will ultimately determine the quality of our lives. When we break down the content of most days, we see that it was filled with numerous interactions with others. And although we may not realize it, we often judge our day on the basis of the quality of those interactions. The remarks we make when we arrive home from work, the comments we may utter after a “conversation” held with a fellow employee, student or client are generally very telling and are descriptions of the quality of our communications. If at the end of a workday you feel drained, more then likely it was due to difficulties in communications. Breakdown in communication (regardless of whether the breakdown is your fault, the fault of the individual(s) you may be communicating with or both parties involved) inevitably leads to unnecessary expenditure of our own emotional energies. And conversely, some of the most energizing and rewarding experiences we may ever have are those that result from true communication. 

I think we often forget that true communication is accomplished only when there is a real interchange of one’s thoughts, feelings, opinions or information. It is not simply a matter of just saying what you have to or getting what you need ‘off your chest.’ The key word here is interchange. A true interchange is only possible when what another is trying to communicate is seriously taken in and considered from a place within oneself that is virtually free of our own biases, judgments, views and opinions. In order to really “hear” what another is saying and be able to appropriately respond, it is necessary that the listener make every effort to suspend their own personal agenda, while at the same time working to consider the position and perspective of the other. Only then can the listener’s response be related and connected to the issues trying to be communicated. Stop and think for a moment if all our communications were like this, how much better the quality of our lives would be!!! By the way, the results of real communication do not necessarily mean that we get our way. However, if real communication is had, you will truly be heard and often that is as important as getting what you may personally want from the interchange. Once people begin communicating on this level, change for the better is inevitable. 

It is very common for a listener to respond emotionally without thinking about what was said by another. It is also very common for people to just blurt out what was on his/her mind in order to ‘get in’ what they wanted to say ‘in the name of communication.’ As you can see when you think about this, such “communication” can only lead to frustration and argument, and accomplishes very little towards the result that either party wants.