The third principle of Comfort Touch is respectful. As one of the six key concepts (SCRIBE: slow, comforting, respectful, into center, broad, and encompassing) that inform this nurturing style of acupressure, “respectful” characterizes the attitude one holds toward their client.
It would seem obvious that we are respectful of our clients, but it is good to stop and reflect on ways we might unwittingly convey a disrespectful attitude to a client. Recently, I met a delightful woman who has a genetic neurological disorder which affects her muscles. Having lived with this condition for many years, she has learned to adapt and leads a healthy and productive life. But she told me that it is hard to receive massage because she has come to mistrust bodyworkers in a couple of ways.
“Sometimes they just work too hard; my muscles are fragile, and the massage is painful.” Equally as disturbing, she told me that she also braces against judgmental comments. Some practitioners, though well-meaning, imply that she is not doing all she can to improve her condition.
“It feels like a slap in the face,” she said. “I’ve lived with this condition all my life. I know my own body. And it just feels insulting when someone tells me that they know what I need better they I do.”
She agreed with me that a sensitively given massage is wonderful; yet, she is protective against the judgmental attitudes she has encountered. As distressing as her story is, it is not uncommon. It is a story I have heard from far too many people – whether they have serious chronic illnesses, or something as common as neck and shoulder pain.
The word respect comes from two root words — re meaning “again,” and spec meaning “to look.” So literally, respect means “to look again.” I think of this meaning when I catch myself making a judgment about someone. (And let’s face it, it is a natural human tendency to judge.) I look again. And again. In each moment I have the opportunity to look again. In the practice of Comfort Touch it is this respectful attitude, this willingness to “look again,” that contributes to a feeling of safety for the client.
We need to be mindful of the physical body we are touching, acknowledging the layers of body tissue, and how our touch affects them. We need to be aware of the vulnerability the individual may feel as we touch them – both physically and emotionally. We need to listen to what she or he tells us, both verbally and non-verbally.
As bodyworkers who are compassionate and non-judgmental, our respectful touch can contribute to a safe and healing atmosphere for the client.
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Adapted from “Comfort Touch: Massage for the Elderly and the Ill” (Lippincott, Williams and Wilkins, 2009). For more information on Comfort Touch® articles, resources, and trainings visit: www.comforttouch.com.
