Be careful what you say when you touch someone.
“Wow! It feels like rocks in there,” the massage therapist said, as she touched my shoulder during a seated massage, received while traveling a few weeks ago. I sat there and wondered, “What am I supposed to think or say in response to that?” This is my body, the home of my being. It is what it is!
Her touch was very good, but the image of rocks was unsettling to say the least. So as I think about it now, I wonder what would I rather she had said to me. Perhaps nothing – just let the touch work its magic. Maybe a question, like “How does this feel?” or “How can I help you?” Let me, the client, have my own experience rather than the projection of a dissonant image.
A participant in a recent workshop I taught, herself a health professional, told me that massage therapists always comment on how tight she is. She asked me, “Does everyone say that? It doesn’t help me feel better about myself. In fact, it makes me leery of getting a massage.”
This was a potent reminder to me of the power of words. Yes, touch has the power to hurt or to feel, and so do words. Let the same healing intention that guides your touch, also guide your words. If judgments arise – and they usually do – just keep your silence and let them go. The healing power of touch is enough.
For information on Comfort Touch articles, resources, and trainings visit: www.comforttouch.com.
December 23rd, 2009 at 1:39 am
Wonderful words! Negative judgement does nothing for anyone involved
Of course the client may feel like a bag of rocks or has tense muscles and that is why they are there. Keep smiling! Jeanne Storm~
January 11th, 2010 at 11:17 am
As a massage therapist beginning the eighth year of my massage career, I have to admit this aricle shook my foundation. I shudder to think of the number of times I have made those types of comments to my clients. No more. My big A-HA is that I shall meet a person (mind-body-spirit) newly each time my hands have the honor of working on them. No comparisons or analagies, not even to how they’ve presented to me in the past. This is a real paradigm shift for me and I’m excited to begin. Thanks!
January 11th, 2010 at 11:35 am
I like to inform my clients of things I witness and feel. I ask where they hold their stress. I tell them when I feel crunchy places,and big knots, so they will know where they are in the body, how they feel, so they will come back,because I tell them I may not be able to work all of this out the 1st visit. Especially if it’s only an hour massage,and they don’t get massages often. I do Medical type massage not spa/relaxation.
your client sounds like she is aware of her tightness,but does she do anything about it inbetween massages,ie. yoga, exersise,meditation,walking, and how often does she get massages?
January 28th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Barbara, you ask if the client does anything between massages, such as yoga, meditation or exercise. Does she get regular massage? You are right in knowing that you can’t take away all of someone’s stress in one session — that is the very reason it is so important to let go of judgments about what you feel when you touch a person. Each person’s body and life circumstances is unique. Within the paradigm of comforting touch, I ask my client what she or he feels or needs, but I do not presume to know how they should live their life.
Something to think about — will my client come back most readily, because I tell her she is in such a terrible fix, or will my client come back most readily because she has a nurturing healing experience?
January 28th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Suzanne — Wonderful!! Yes, it is a paradigm shift, and it will make your practice so much more enjoyable — both for you and your clients.